Gooooood evening folks, and welcome, welcome one and all, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, pets alllllll the family to this! The 2025 world washing up championships!
We’ve had a thrilling battle to get here, to this thunderous and upsetting semi final! These titans of cutlery cleanliness, the crockery cleansing champs, the super sanitation scrubbers! These four contestants are away and above, the Mount Rushmore of this years competition, but who will be crowned number one?
Will it be; Percival ‘Purification’ Jones? A man who has been elbow deep in the washbowl since he was five, and knows the exact temperature to melt even the toughest dried sauce?
Or perhaps it will be; The Scourer? The dark horse of the competition and the number two seed, she has been blowing the competition away with her superfast baked on grease destruction powers!
Or maybe it will be; Decontamination Jane? The number 34 seed has been lathering her rivals and looks set to brush them all into the drain!
Finally, we have Marcus Washman! A fortuitously named virtuoso from the streets of Brooklyn, who strikes fear into the heart of leftovers with their mean right hand!
Who will win? Who will stand atop the bubbles of victory? Stay tuned to find out!